May 28, 2023

READER’S QUESTION: “I’m with my boyfriend of 1 yr, and he has a daughter. I’m very jealous of his daughter and the truth that he has an excellent relationship with the mom (she’s remarried). I’ve not been in a position to settle for the truth that I’ve to just accept them two in my life. I’ve no children, I’m a lady of conventional values with rather a lot to convey to the desk, and he’s a tremendous man… I don’t know what to do or how you can settle for this actuality! Each time he has his daughter, I don’t even wish to spend time collectively.”

EVIE’S ADVICE: So as to settle for that your boyfriend has a previous that features a daughter and the mom of his little one, you’ll need to replicate on why his daughter bothers you a lot. Do you view her as competitors for his affection and a spotlight? Do you’re feeling like she is an inescapable reminder of his previous selections with one other lady, selections you would like he would have made with you as a substitute? You’ll want to acknowledge that his daughter and his previous relationship along with her mom don’t take away out of your present relationship together with your boyfriend or your potential future/household collectively.

Your boyfriend having a wholesome relationship along with his daughter’s mom is a superb factor for his daughter. Youngsters are solely harm when their mother and father are at odds. We will perceive why you is perhaps anxious, however the truth that the mom has remarried means there’s little probability of them getting again collectively. Moreover, should you’re a lady of conventional values as you say, then wouldn’t you need a man who adores his children and respects their mom? In the event you’re jealous now after solely a yr of relationship, it looks like it’s solely going to worsen as your connection deepens. 

He’s a father first, and that does unavoidably change the dynamic of his romantic relationships. 

We’d truly argue that should you can’t settle for his daughter and develop an excellent relationship along with her, your boyfriend may rightly view that as a dealbreaker. If we had been to reverse the roles right here, we’d probably let you know to run in case your boyfriend couldn’t settle for your little one and co-parenting relationship because it highlights a regarding stage of immaturity and selfishness. It’s not honest to him that you just’re upset with him or his daughter over one thing they’ll’t change. He’s a father first, and that does unavoidably change the dynamic of his romantic relationships. He is not only searching for a spouse, but in addition for a second mom for his little one. If that is one thing you merely can’t get previous, it’s greatest so that you can finish the connection and permit him and his daughter to search out somebody who will welcome each of them warmly into their life. 

Nonetheless, should you resolve that your relationship together with your boyfriend is price engaged on, it is best to attempt to shift your perspective and, as a substitute of avoiding his daughter, spend time with them and get to know her. In the event you can develop a constructive relationship along with her and develop to love her, it is going to show you how to to just accept her. You can additionally consider it as seeing the way you and your boyfriend would work collectively as mother and father with your individual kids sooner or later.   

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